my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
