i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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