College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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