he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
