Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
