Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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