My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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