Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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