Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
