i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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