I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have aggressive nipples.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
