question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just puked most of my soul out..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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