There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
