Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
