He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
