I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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