Im at strip club and am horny
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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