I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
