I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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