You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
