I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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