I think my vagina is haunted
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize