garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
