She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
