DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
