i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
