There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
