the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize