the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
