Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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