i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize