there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
