Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
