If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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