I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
