It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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