peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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