how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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