the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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