Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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