coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
