I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
