tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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