I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
