I didn't shave. On purpose
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
