Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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