Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
