see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize