Do you still have your period?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
