You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
