I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
