Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
