im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
