Im at strip club and am horny
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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