I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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