Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize