No stitches, just platelets and will power
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
