I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
