your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
