I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
