Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize