There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
