I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
