I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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