Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
