He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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