i permit you to call me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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