I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
