Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
