Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
