It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
