Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
