Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
