there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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