It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize