I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
